Kick It To The Curb! A Woman’s Story of Transformation by Getting Rid of Fear

For many years I spent too many early mornings and late nights letting fear put me in a choke hold.
Mostly, I was paralyzed by thoughts that really had nothing to do with me. Despite being clear that it was important for me to live my life by staying true to myself, in the back of my mind I was very fearful.

I was fearful of what people would think about me if I started to say and do what I really wanted. I knew I needed to break free from this type of codependency, but I didn’t know how. One week before my 39th birthday I had a powerful revelation. It was then that I realized that I was about to begin my last year in my thirties. I became deeply aware of the fact that time was marching forward,
but I wasn’t.

As you know, our society pushes the status quo, which is basically the expectation to go along with the majority way of thinking, doing, and being. Anything different than that is considered wrong, bad, or even harmful. For me, being status quo is an unrealistic expectation. As human beings we are all unique, with diverse ways of learning, understanding, and living our lives. Unfortunately, I had been letting this societal expectation become an even more exaggerated expectation that I put on myself. So, as a result of realizing how stuck in fear I was, I decided, with God’s generous assistance and guidance, to break away from unrealistic expectations and take hold of my own life. Now, it wasn’t easy! My decision to break free from my fear certainly has had its challenges. However, I now have some understanding, experience, and wisdom on kicking fear to the curb and would like to share it with you.

First let me start by saying that your mind is something else! Before we can set any intention or take any action you have to first set your mind on the positive -- on love and not fear.

For more than two decades I had been dreaming of moving to Georgia and leaving my birthplace of Wisconsin. But the fear of how family and friends would respond to me stepping into a whole new life, leaving them and the security of my old life behind, kept me from taking the necessary steps for my dream to materialize. Let me share with you a bit about my life:

I was born and raised in Wisconsin. I had the kind of life that was chock full of back to back series of unfortunate and traumatic circumstances, like losing my innocence at five and finding my Mom dead in my brother’s house at 18. My 2023 alone? My sister died, and I lost twins due to miscarriage. The twins’ father was the administrator at my daughter’s school, and after we broke up, and even though I didn’t want to ever deal with him again, I still had to face him.

So, the week before my 39th birthday, when I woke up to myself, I heard myself saying out loud, “Girl, get a grip!” That’s what I told myself. I had to stop, take some time, and sit down somewhere. It was another sleepless night. I took a long hard look at myself and I cried. I’m all for a good cry and a long prayer of lament. I was quick to tell God how tired I was and asked, “When can I catch a break?” Afterward, I washed my face and felt some peace. Although I still felt stuck, I knew that something had been shifted. I continued to pray and lament deeply until I no longer felt stuck. And then it happened!
I began to move forward toward my dream.

Right after my daughter graduated from the eighth grade, I represented myself in family court to ask to move my daughter out of state. Incredibly, I won!

But, when I first landed in Georgia, I didn’t have a place to stay because both an apartment and job I had found fell through. On top of this, I couldn’t find a job in the financial or marketing worlds, spaces in which I had previously worked. The only job I could get at the time was working at the Waffle House. Because I never stopped my praying, lamenting, and believing sessions with God, I was able to be grateful for the job that would allow me to stay true to my dream. I ended up staying on my cousin’s couch for a few months, for which I also was very grateful. All this while I never stopped being a loving mother, or building my business and brand.

During this challenging time, I was able to be clear that I didn’t have time to live in fear. I never stopped praying and believing. My biggest blessing during all of this was that I was still on this side of the ground. I’m not going to lie. The will to get up, show up, and keep going was very tough, but I kept one foot in front of the other.

The reward for my willingness to go on the difficult and risky journey of learning how to overcome my fear and stay true to myself is that now I have my own house, I have a new job, my business continues to blossom, and things are looking up. I truly believe that a better tomorrow always comes. But, I now know you’ve got to kick fear to the curb!