Just the Two of Us

Typically, the summer for families is marked with the afterglow of successful life transitions such as grade promotions, graduations, and weddings. While we celebrate these accomplishments for our loved ones as a sign of maturity and growth, we recognize that growth requires change.

Depending on your personality and history with change, it can be a positive experience or a difficult and unsettling experience, or both; depending on the day.

As a couple, my husband, Shon, and I approach and handle change very differently, which is okay because as they say,”opposites attract”. I love to have a routine, plan, schedule, itinerary, and agenda. All of those words give me warm fuzzies.(smile) But unlike me, Shon goes with the flow and can make decisions spontaneously rather than follow detailed plans. This year, we celebrated our youngest child’s high school graduation and will be sending her off to college. For the first time in 22 years, it will be just the two of us!

Although we certainly recognize this as an opportunity for collective growth, we also are aware that there will be known and unknown challenges adjusting to this new reality. Here are three things we do and now truly appreciate because they are helping us to more easily embrace our new status as an “empty nest” couple, and the changes this bring to our lives:

#1 Date your Partner
As parents, it can be difficult to juggle the needs of your children and those of your partner. Honestly, besides work, children take up a lot of time during the day, and also into the night. This can make finding time to connect with your partner super challenging. So, it is really important to be intentional about spending quality time with your partner while raising your children. The last thing you want is to look up after your children leave home and not recognize the person with whom you’ve been doing life partnership!

Shon and I met when we were both 19, and we definitely have changed since then. Through all of our growth and life challenges, we have chosen to remain married and to grow our relationship along with ourselves. So, during our married life we have consciously made sure to spend time alone enjoying each other’s company as we continue to learn about each other. One of our favorite alone times is our regular “date night”. This is our opportunity to focus on us only. And, it doesn’t have to be an extravagant date night experience. For example, we have done something as simple as sitting and talking in our car, in our driveway. This and other dating activities like going to the movies, eating at a new restaurant, or walking through a park holding hands, enable us to just stay connected and continue to learn about each other’s interests and needs.

#2 Deepen External Supports
It takes a village not only to raise a child but to support a family, and a marriage. Having the support of family, extended family, functional neighbors, and members of schools and other social networks has never not been important, but it is so essential in the fast-paced, heavily scheduled daily routine of modern family life. Not only was it essential for times when childcare was needed, but it is also great to be around others who have been where you are and who can now support you through your empty nest journey.

There is comfort in knowing you are not alone. And, hearing about how others have succeeded in their family life is inspiring and motivating. Of course, having reliable folks to talk to about your family and marriage challenges is surely needed. But, to receive their wisdom from having triumphed through similar situations can definitely strengthen your willingness and courage to navigate this new time in your life.

#3 Develop Individual Hobbies/Talents
Having this new time to ourselves allows us to fully embrace things that WE WANT TO DO! Shon is already an avid golf player, and there may be more that he can do with this talent. He enjoys coaching people on their golf game but hasn’t always had the time to do it because of various family responsibilities. I have always loved to read and write but had gotten away from it with work and taking care of family. Now I have time to do my writing, and we are also writing together, like this magazine article. I am also anxious and excited to have the time to really dive into the books on recommended book lists! Doing and having plans for our individual talents and pursuits for leisure and enjoyment, as well as having things we enjoy doing together, truly helps us to more easily embrace this meaningful stage in our lives.

Shon and I are very excited about the growth and success of our children. We also know that this means there will be new opportunities for us individually and as a couple. It is natural that growth comes with change. By leaning into these 3 practices of date nights, deepening external support, and developing our individual hobbies/talents, we can look forward to this new chapter in our lives as being both exciting and rewarding. We know that we can make it if we try!! And, for those of you also experiencing the empty nest phase, we hope that these 3 practices will be of great benefit to you as well.